https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Alok_Vaid-Menon_2017_Fashion_Collection.jpg
Alok Vaid-Memon is one of my LGBTQIA+ heroes.
And I’m heartbroken. A trans icon, Alok Vaid-Menon keeps saying they hate themself.
Alok is a treasure: able to articulate the most profound (and the most spot on, hysterically funny) truths about the non-binary transgender experience and people reactions toward LGBTQIA+ people who courageously choose to live life authentically in culturally repressed societies (U.S. India and many other colonized countries, places where caste and classes have been developed and enforced by the powers that be).
On stages around the world, including occasionally here in Costa Rica, Alok offers comedy, pathos, and poetry but never, ever hatred toward those who mock or threaten their existence.
They UNDERSTAND, they say, because they hated themself for so long. And still do, sometimes.
I’ve been trans my entire life
…(without the defined word until 15+ years ago) and at times felt alien and ashamed, but I don’t recall ever hating myself for it. I hated having to dress like a girl for school, church and other public outings, and being marginalized as a gender, but (to me) that was on THEM/OUTSIDE OTHERS, not on me.
I didn’t hate who I was or how I felt except when I fought fire with fire (insult with insult, mockery with mockery, etc.) because during those jousts I felt and knew that I was betraying my inner decency and goodness to make a point. I hated feeling that being a turd was the only way I could be heard in a loudly arrogant, narcissistic, turdish patriarchal household. (Gentler messages never hit home in the way that pushing the offender’s buttons did.)
It breaks my heart that Alok internalized
…his cultures’ (India and Texas, what a combo whammy!) taboo against presenting themself authentically as a child and teenager. They (Alok) do it now as an adult and encourages others to do it, too. They find and release joy in doing so, even though some people consider them ridiculous or even dangerous by revealing to others their own repression/oppression.
“What do you mean you get to be happy NOW?!
BLASPHEMY!
Happiness is reserved for heaven!”
-Alok Vaid-Menon (paraphrased)
Culturally closeted people “hate” Alok because they’re insanely jealous of the FREEDOM that they feel unable or unwilling to claim today because of “What will other people think of me?”
WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU?
Crappy bigots don’t care what other people think of them. Thieves don’t care. Rich sociopaths don’t care. They live their authentic lives without caring.
So why should good, decent, caring authentic people have to care what bad actors think of them? (I know: there’s the safety issue. Bad actors can behave in wildly inappropriate ways to people they consider threats to their worldviews.)
Alok and other trans folx and allies
…are RIGHT! LGBTQIA+ people are paving the way for acceptance and everyone’s right/quest to be FREE to be authentic and liberated, which ALL people of goodwill OUGHT TO BE!
Alok is one of my personal heroes. I want them to embrace themself wholeheartedly. I want them to shed the wounding they received as a sensitive, impressionable child and love every aspect of the unique and truly magical person that they’ve become!
Yes, Alok can appear outlandish (as in super exotic) often, and their fashion sense sometimes throws me for a loop because it isn’t always flattering and gorgeous (Liberace cornered the market on having a superior/splendid they/them fashion sense, IMHO). But if the outfits make Alok feel fabulous and 100% authentic, bring it on! That’s what matters most. We should dress to please ourselves, not persnickety others!
Bottom Line: Alok Vaid-Menon is an international TREASURE and I want them to treasure themself as much as so many gazillions of people treasure them. NO H8!!! Just LOVE, REPECT AND APPRECIATION/ADMIRATION.
I hope Alok sees and reads this someday and that my magic WISH WAND works on them!
Authentic, compassionate human beings may appear to be an endangered species because of closeted bigots of freedom and authenticity, but there are a helluva lot of us who have each other’s backs, and we aren’t going anywhere. I think we’re the harbingers of a new era of liberation from colonizers’ mindsets.
And that’s my soapbox sermon for today!