I just read this article at Inc.com. Take a couple minutes to read it and then come back here to get my critique of it…

 

https://www.inc.com/bharat-kanodia/use-law-of-reciprocity-to-boost-your-brand.html?

 

This no-brainer kind of advice obviously works wonders for most success-bound men. And men are the segment of the population that probably most needs to hear it, because “giving to get” (except for sex) just isn’t in a lot of their mental wheelhouses.

 

But for women…

 

Women need to keep a close eye on making sure that their “giving” isn’t just gobbled up because eventual reciprocation by men is rarely in their wheelhouse when it comes to interacting with the fairer (and I do mean fair-er, as in “far more fair”) sex!

 

Why?

 

Because men are accustomed to receiving helping hands and information from women for free, without cost or obligation.  Mothers extend their 24/7/365 services for free to their children as they’re growing up.  Teachers do, too, and most of them are women.  Girl children are often expected to give of themselves for free unless they’re selling girl scout cookies, a product which another well-heeled entity gets the profits for.  The girls earn a picayune reward and a few minutes of “attagirl!” when they sell a ton of cookies, but the reward is pathetically paltry compared to the enormous benefit to the cookie companies.

 

Women need to make sure they aren’t just being used. 

 

Businessmen expect eventual reciprocation, some financial return on their time and investment in other men.  Women should expect the same from men (they usually get it from other women, but not always; there are opportunistic, narcissistic or just utterly clueless “taker” women, too ) but they often don’t get it. Instead, they’re accustomed to getting thank yous, “Great insight and help!” and other pleasanties, but that’s frequently all they get.

 

EXAMPLES FROM MY OWN NETWORKING YEARS

 

After reading about the immense value of business networking, I stepped miles outside my comfort zone and engaged.  Admittedly, at first I was a wallflower, as befits my introverted nature, but over time, I took some helpful courses in networking and got comfortable enough that I actually began to enjoy the gatherings.

 

While learning more about ice breakers and schmoozing, we sometimes engaged in an exercise to find out (anonymously) what others in our networking groups thought of us and the way we came across. The host would pin 8 x 10 blank cards on our backs and ask the other networkers to step anonymously behind each of us and write one positive word (or phrase) that defined us in their minds.

 

My results were both revealing and encouraging. *

 

On my back (at two different times) were these gems:

 

 

 

***(I was presenting myself as a woman back then because I still sported outsized bosoms, which were subsequently removed to relieve most of my gender dysphoria.)

 

WOW! RIGHT!? According to these results, you would think I possessed every attribute that made doing business with me a no-brainer.  And guys with just a fraction  of accolades on their cards were  landing reciprocal business left and right!

 

I WAS GIVING .. and giving …and giving!

 

I was presenting frequently during networking meetings, helping people learn how to write their own bios and ten and 30-second elevator speeches, explaining the value of a good writer (copy, content, and features) and why relying on someone’s relative who got good grades in English in high school was not a good business decision (teachers each students to write pleasantly and properly, not powerfully, because  most teachers aren’t professional writers), and more.

 

And some of the men (a small minority of those assembled) were taking it all in. But most of them, I noticed, turned to other “more pressing” tasks while I spoke, discounting both my expertise and my potential value to their bottom line.

 

When I did one-on-ones with men, they picked my brain, but none of them returned to me to get any writing done.

 

The Final Straw…

 

At one of the last meetings I attended, I was talking to one of the men. We were having what I felt was an involved, solid discussion until another man walked into the room and came over, at which time the fellow I was talking to abruptly disconnected and began chatting with the newcomer on a completely different topic, without so much as a passing glance back in my direction. It was as if I had suddenly dematerialized and utterly disappeared!

 

I stood there for a good forty seconds, expecting, at some point, that the conversation would end and he would turn back to me, or at least acknowledge my presence. But when that forty seconds passed and he showed zero inclination or desire to return to our conversation, I turned and walked away.

 

Was I pissed? You bet I was. I was livid. If I had it to do over again, I would have called him on it, very loudly,  as an object lesson in how NOT to treat the women in the room. But unless a women was an unmarried knockout, the same thing happened to every other woman in every networking group I belonged to.

 

The Good Ol’ Boys’ Network Works Great for Guys Despite their Relative Skills or Value

 

It works far less well for the women.  And that’s — again — because women are expected to serve men at their convenience and summons. Otherwise, they’re supposed to serve the coffee, smile and look pleasant, and shut up.  They’re not supposed to EXPECT anything from men. That’s pushy and unladylike. Women are expected to be available as needed or requested but not compensated for the time that they spend with men.

 

The Bottom Line: Men expect reciprocation from other men, but they don’t offer it to women.

 

So I Went Back to the Old-Fashioned Way of  Working, Getting New Clients By Word of Mouth from Existing Clients

 

Lead generation via networking works well among men who realize that reciprocation isn’t immediate but it’s pretty much inevitable as long as they aren’t rank charlatans, and sometimes even when they are. I’ve known (and known of) a number of very successful charlatans; one of them is an immediate past POTUS.

 

But it appears that only nose-to-the-grindstone RESULTS work for women in the business world.  And that’s why INC.com’s “reciprocity” technique is largely limited to the male of the species. Men don’t value women or what they have to offer outide the bedroom, home, and family. They tolerate women to greater or lesser degrees, but they don’t value them or their skillsets. Maybe it’s because it’s harder to compete now that women are doing more than raising kids, making meals and making them happy in their bedrooms.

 

All I know for sure is that we have fewer women in positions of authority for this very reason.  And it stinks!

 

When did men become such ungentlemanly, unrefined, ill-mannered human beings?  I know not all of them are, but why aren’t the good ones mentoring the Neanderthal-like among them?  (Maybe it’s a way to outcompete them, so that’s why they don’t want to show the clueless their cards?)