I don’t feel much like writing today, but believe I need to in order to maintain my equilibrium.

 

So, here goes with stream-of-consciousness thoughts.

 

Last evening, I experienced several lightning strike-like, momentary nerve-pain “pinches” in my left groin. Shortly following one of them, my right shoulder blade felt weird, too. (Yeah, I know, for women, symptoms of a silent heart attack.)

 

I immediately consumed  some cranberry/pomegranate juice on the off chance I’m developing a UTI, since I have only one working kidney, and it isn’t in great shape; it’s only about 27% as far as  its filtering ability goes. (At 20%, people require kidney dialysis.) But it has been at that point for years, so I get monitored every six months. My next kidney appointment is in May.

 

I probably should drive to Urgent Care for an EKG, but my state of mind right now is so disconsolate (given the political situation) that I simply don’t care if I live any longer. September is too far away for me (that’s when I plan to move to Costa Rica). I think getting outta Dodge NOW would be better for my spirits, but T-Wrecks is interfering grievously in Latin America, too, so there’s no way to truly escape his blighted influence. He’s a  global menace, not just a national one.

 

Hell, if he reduces or eliminates my Social Security, I won’t even be eligible to move in September! I don’t bring in enough money via my puny pension and annuity to meet the threshold for immigrating to CR.  Social Security is the nest egg I need most in order to do that.  And I won’t be able to survive here on what’s left, for sure. So, I’m screwed either way if/when he and Musk gut Social Security.

 

So, Dying Might be the Better Solution, Overall!

 

But I’ve been out and about this morning caring for the livestock without incident or shortness of breath, and I walked 2.5 miles yesterday and the day before without  any issues, so I feel pretty confident that my heart is okay.  My kidney?  Who knows?  I can get a urinalysis on Monday to see if I’ve developed yet another UTI. (My UTIs are usually painless.)

 

Its’s too bad Trump got back in, I’m sure with the nefarious assistance of Elon Musk, plus the usual gerrymandering and disenfranchisment of literally millions of eligible black and brown voters.

 

And now they’re going after all marrried women’s votes with the SAVE Act.  (Click on the link to read about it.) One state has already passed the law, and Trump is looking to make it a federal law. Bastards.

 

In short:

 

Other than that, life is just peachy keen!

 

I’m just not sure I want to live long enough to see how this dystopian nightmare ends, because it certainly won’t be anytime soon, and I don’t want to have to try to figure out ways to “survive” it in the meantime!

 

I’m glad I’m 74. I don’t think I want to witness much more of this.

 

My mom told me one time, “I’m getting too old for this world.”  I pondered what she could possibly mean by that — after all, she survived the Great Depression and WWII and she said this more than a decade before 9/11 (which she fortunately did not live long enough to see) and everything else that has taken place since then.

 

Now I get it.

And I truly believe I have the greater claim to it.  

What a fucked up world, where love, empathy and compassion are derided as “woke” instead of as basic human nature.

 

And we dare to call ourselves the thinking animal. What I’m witnessing now are bigoted, rationalizing animals, not thinking animals.

 

“My bigotry and fear of others trumps your generosity of spirit.”

 

Go figure!

 

It makes me sick — literally sick — in my stomach. And that may be all I felt last night: disgust so intense that it actually hurt!