Today’s Wordsmith Deck question is, “If you could, what’s one thing you would change about your past?”

 

That’s an intriguing question.

 

I’m not sure if I want to answer, “I’d be more diplomatic”, “I’d be less afraid to voice my concerns”, or “I’d be more assertive.”

 

It depends on which aspects of the past I think about.

 

I’m a peacemaker at base…

 

I’m essentially a peacemaker — always have been, always will be. I despise conflict. So, usually in the past I would clam up if a relationship started to head south, even though I knew it was heading for failure the longer I waited to address the issues that were keeping me up at night.

 

I lost at least one good friend that way. I did my best to be diplomatic all along. But toward the end,  I started avoiding them until I was so disappointed and frustrated that separating was the only thing I could think to do to end the pain and frustration of it all.

 

I wrote to them, even though they lived under the same roof, so I wouldn’t explode. I wanted them to clearly understand the issue and to realize I felt they were using me to stay stuck like a fly caught in amber instead of doing everything in their power to get on their own two feet after their divorce. I wanted to get back to solo living after four years of waiting for them to take action to become self-sufficient and permanently employed. I simply preferred living alone.  I didn’t want or need a roommate, and certainly not a needy one.  I was exhausted trying to keep this individual in good spirits and moving toward the goal of moving along with all deliberate speed.

 

…except when I get totally fed up

 

On the other hand, when I finally get totally fed up (usually based on not nipping an issue in the bud early on), I more or less exploded. Diplomacy went completely out the window. I became aggressively assertive (not physically, but in nearly every other way: verbally, acoustically, you name it.)

 

I still do that when it comes to polar opposite political views, which is why I clam up around the Trump/GOP supporters in my family and orbit. I want to keep the peace, but my mind churns with wrathful thoughts about how freaking clueless a college educated MBA can refuse to see the multiple scourges that Trump and the GOP have been, and continue to be, on the earth.

 

Their misogyny, racism, bigotry, charlatanism, and scamming are so apparent to me and to most people who have followed them that it’s impossible for me to hold peaceful or 100% loving thoughts about them or their supporters. The orange insurrectionist and his current party are bent on destroying this nation’s highest ideals to satisfy their own lust for power and relevance, and their supporters keep lapping it up!!!

 

They’re in the catbird’s seat and refuse to see what their policies are doing to undermine the strength and diversity of our nation.  They’re dinosaurs in the Space Age, intellectually and emotionally.  Autocratic, frightened despots needing to remain in control for fear of what the rest of us will do when we gain equity.

 

(If I were them, I would be afraid, too.  They actually deserve every bit of backlash they’d ever get from marginalized Americans who have suffered under their policies. But most marginalized Americans aren’t looking for revenge. They’re simply looking for equity and a place at the table, and they’re tired of the current policies that put them on the menu instead of at the table of plenty.)

 

So, I’m not sure I have changed all that much when it comes to the values I hold.  I think values are worth fighting for and getting loud about. I’m not a silent bystander when I see injustice or inequality anywhere. I get actively engaged in changing what’s wrong in our nation. I always have and I always will.

 

If wishes were fishes…

 

I wish I were more like DeForest Kelley, Barack and Michelle Obama, Joe and Jill Biden, or even curmudgeonly Bernie Sanders when it comes to remaining calm and welcoming as they tackle the issues that are plaguing the U.S. right now.  Publicly, they offend no one who isn’t automatically offended by their diplomacy, grace or egalitarian policies.

 

I like to see Joe Biden push back, on the rare occasions when he does.  It tells me he’s not a compromiser when it comes to issues that he deeply feels matter to most Americans. And he pushes back when so-called reporters misconstrue what he has just expressly stated in crystal clear terms.

 

If I can learn to do that as graciously as he does (including the apology for being a “wise guy), I will be very satisfied with myself!