Although I’ve struggled with gender dysphoria my entire life, and although I’m a transgender individual who has had chest masculinization surgery to remove the “lies” that grew on my chest during puberty, I still must state that I love my body. It’s the wrong make and model — it should have additional appendages that it lacks — but that doesn’t negate the fact that it is healhty, robust, pain-free and useful even as I approach the ripe old age of 73.

 

I feel I could live in it happily for another seventy years.  And that’s saying something.

 

 

 

I’m so aware of other people my age (and even younger) who are on several kinds of medication, experiencing chronic pain, and worrying about mental decline. My body has never experienced much pain. I rarely get headaches and, when I do, they are so mild as to be almost unnoticeable. When I developed a DVT, my only symptom was a swollen leg until I realized I was having trouble climbing a small hill on my walking route. A doctor friend told me to get to a hospital STAT and get that figured out — and they threw me into a bed faster than I’ve ever been hospitalized before. I had “blood clot ornaments” throughout my lungs!

 

I’ve broken a thumb (serious injury!  People without useable thumbs are on disability!) and recovered in record time.  I heal from surgeries and experience less pain (what I experience post-surgery is intense soreness, not pain per se) than anyone else I know. I’ve had one ovary and my gallbladder removed, intestinal bypass surgery — during which my appendix was also removed — chest masculinization surgery, a panniculectomy, and hand surgery.

 

My body serves commendably, usually without complaining

 

So, to proclaim dissatisfaction with my body would be a lie. I’m frustrated that I can’t be the man I am, and so I’ve never looked for a romantic relationship.  I tried coupling (with a male) exactly once – with me performing as a female — when I was  47 or so, and came away stupendously underwhelmed.  I had expected to feel something pleasureable, after a lifetime of hearing about this activity that drives people insane with inarticulated pleasure. All I thought the entire time was “meh; when will this be over?”  But had I been the one with the male appendage, I’m certain I would have felt very differently!  I probably felt the way guys feel after losing their ability to perform in bed due to accident, illness, or injury following battle.

 

But back to the body I have. It’s resilient, powerful, smooth, alert, and it operates like a dream. I’m grateful for it.

 

Although my brain (mind) is my most precious recognized attribute, and my heart and other inner organs are as crucial to my existence as is my brain, my entire body is truly a marvel and I have rarely given it this much consideration.

 

I’ve abused my body by feeding it junk food, but I haven’t done worse than that.

 

I don’t drink alcohol or use drugs beyond the two prescribed to me (warfarin and levothyroxine), and I don’t (anymore) put it through risky stunts like jumping off cliffs into rivers or riding motorcycles. I’ve never borne a child, or raised one, or had a spouse, so I haven’t been exposed to so many of the stressors that most people have.

 

Instead, I have experienced immeasureable countless joys, both told and untold, among them raising scores of animals, reading and writing books, working with captive wildlife,  and pursuing work that always, always nourished my spirit as much (or more) as it nourished my pocketbook. I never stayed in a job I wasn’t happy in for more than a few weeks. Life is too damed short for that!  Fortunately, I’ve had only myself to think of and my own neck to risk, so doing it my way has never put anyone else out, or risked their continued wellbeing.

 

 

 

Maybe that’s why I feel I’ve lived a fully realized existence and why I know I will die “empty,”  feeling certain that I did all I came here to do. And I have my body and my mind to thank for that.

 

So, today I’m saying a humungous thank you to the body I have too often failed to recognize for its magnificence. It’s a good’un and I’m pleased to be still puddling around in it.