Where’s your happy place? Have you identified it yet?

 

Is it the same place as your best friend’s?

 

I’ve discovered that mine isn’t.

 

And that’s okay.

 

But I need to keep that in mind so we don’t butt heads.

 

As many interests as Lisa and I share (goats, biking, learning, cats, discussions, etc., etc. etc.) our happy places are in two very different locations..

 

My happy place is as a Creator/Producer.

 

Lisa’s happy place is as a Learner/Inquirer.

 

We both come from essentially the same place: we’re both deeply curious about the things that intrigue us: psychology, pets, the state of the world because of human interactions in it, and a lot more. So, we’re both eternal learners and inquirers.

 

Where we differ is that I want to get my info in the most efficient (fastest) way possible, so I prefer transcripts and talking points, or thumbnail verbal iterations  from what others have learned (“What are the most important or surprising things you learned from watching that video?”), so I can turn it around and share it in some way with other people.  As a Creator/Producer, I view new information as potential fodder for one of my blogs, a new topic for conversation, or marching orders to help my clients reach or exceed their ultimate goals. 

 

Lisa prefers videos and tutorials.  Her happy place is YouTube, so she frequently shares links with me, which I confess I seldom watch. Not because I wouldn’t enjoy them — I very likely would, if she did (she’s selective about what she sends me, so I know she believes I’ll love them, too), but because they take so much time.

 

I’m only awake so many hours a day, and my happy place is producing something during those hours, so the gathering of information and insights needs to happen as fast as possible, to my mind.  The info needs to get from wherever it exists (ideally in written form, because I’m a fast reader) into my head and fingertips so I can share it.

 

Lisa doesn’t feel the need to Create/Produce/Share to the same degree I do.  For her, learning is her happy place.  Learning is her destination, not a watering hole along the way.  I believe she’s a true academic. I’m an academic by default, not design. I need to learn a lot to create/produce the things my clients and I need to achieve our goals.

 

Lisa’s chief goal (her happy place) is learning.  Learning is many people’s happy place.  It isn’t wrong. (Continuous learning is freaking crucial, in my opinion!) It just isn’t my happy place.

 

The pinch between Lisa and me happens when we think the other is judging us for having two different happy places!

 

I don’t judge Lisa for being an Inquirer/Learner/Absorber. The stuff she loves and has absorbed have enriched me in countless ways.

 

Here’s just one example: She’s my webmaster: the thought of learning web design leaves me cold. She loves it!  She researches endlessly to remain current so her sites don’t  look like they were created in the 1990’s or even in 2015. She’s fabulous!

 

Some of her other subject matter and delights (examples: true crime, death, the downside of human depravity, and her desire to donate her corpse to a body farm for forensics to learn from) don’t float my boat because I’m one of the few remaining Pollyanna’s on earth, so we don’t discuss those “to death”; we pick and chose the topics we share in common: progressive politics, toxic fundamentalist religions, critters, bike paths, and scads more.  Most of our favorite movies and authors are different, as you can well imagine!

 

I adore Lisa exactly as she is.  Heck, if she were a carbon copy, I’d feel unnecessary (one identical personality would be quite enough, thank you!) and I’d get bored with the company. (I’m already stuck with me 24/7/365: a clone would drive me up the wall!)

 

So, what I’ve discovered is that we have very different Happy Places.  She feels complete in the gathering of information that intrigues or educates her; she doesn’t necessarily feel the need to turn what she learns into a product or a presentation. I don’t feel complete until I’ve shared it — created something that others can benefit from knowing about.

 

A Happy Place is a Happy Place.  You can’t transplant yours into another human being. You just need to honor their happy place, period.

 

I get that now and I will do my best to understand it.

 

Lisa’s brain wants to be a repository; mine wants to be a dispensary.

 

We’re both introverts. 

 

Since “writing is show business for shy people,” I feel a need to be a dispensary. (It’s totally psychological, maybe even pathological! )

 

Lisa doesn’t.  So, consider her the non-showoff.  I’m the one who needs a spotlight.

 

I’m the one who wants her to show off more.  (That’s my burden, not hers.)

 

When you know a gem, you want them to shine as much to everyone else as they do to you.

 

But again: that’s my burden, not Lisa’s!

 

EMBRACE YOUR HAPPY PLACE.

 

LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.

 

DON’T SURRENDER TO OTHERS’ OPINIONS OR OBSERVATIONS.

 

You need to be uniquely you, because there is no one else like you (echoes of Mister Rogers) and I like you just the way you are!