It doesn’t happen often, but I’m feeling down in the dumps today.

 

I’ve just gone to Cappy’s for a bunch of fruits and vegetables to see if eating healthier will kickstart me again.

 

A lot has been on my mind. A dear friend is in the ICU and not expected to live much longer; another dear friend has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure; still another has a transgender teenager who is in crisis emotionally; I lost the gosling I rescued after three days of 24/7 care; the expected overturn of Roe v Wade by the Supreme Court and all the other far right efforts to roll back human and civil rights are weighing heavily on my mind; and right now, there isn’t a whole heck of a lot I can do about any of what’s unsettling me.

 

I hate feeling impotent! 

 

So, this morning at 6 a.m., I went outside and pulled weeds out of one of the two remaining gardens that still need weeding, just to have something to do to shake off the lethargy and depression I feel.  Jackie joined me and we shared a few laughs, and that was a momentary spirit lifter, so I know my happy place is still inside me somewhere!

 

I walked for a while, too. I’m at 8K steps for the day so far. It’s 12:20 p.m. now.

 

Usually being down in the dumps doesn’t last long.  I realize I just have to wait it out. 

 

But I didn’t feel this down in the dumps even during the two-year COVID-19 lockdown.  Of course, there was plenty to do (home remodel and other stuff) and I’ve always been an isolationist and introvert, so I didn’t get cabin fever (as so many others did) until the lockdown was nearly over.

 

I don’t have any bandwidth to initiate much. I can respond to need — write for clients (that always relieves and cheers me) — but coming up with ideas or tasks unilaterally seems out of my reach right now.

 

I feel like I could stay in bed 24/7 for a week, or until after the fall election IF the fall election goes the way it must to save democracy in this nation. In November, DEMS must retain the majority and gain additional seats so they aren’t held hostage by DINOS (Democrats In Name Only) Manchin and Sinema.   If anyone who’s still sane is paying attention, this will happen, but I no longer have faith that enough voters are paying sufficient attention to realize that we’re about to become a theocratic autocracy if they don’t vote against the GOP in every race from school boards to Congress.  We are at a crisis point, and I shudder to think what will happen if voters don’t turn out in HUGE numbers to proclaim, “NOT ON MY WATCH!”

 

I’m holding my breath too often about too many things over which I have very little to zero control. 

 

And I’m sure I’m not the only one.

 

I need to disconnect from the crises and focus on what’s still good, and uplifting and truly manageable.

 

I’m responsible for my thoughts and my focus. I need to stop carrying the world on my shoulders the way I do. I do what I can, and that just has to be enough, no matter what the outcome is.

 

That’s all we can do.  The best we know how.

 

But right now, what’s best for me, I think, is to rest. Just take a break for a while. Just smell the roses, watch the sun rise, and get outside as much as I can.