Most us across the globe (at least in the developed world) have become device junkies.
It’s interesting, isn’t it, that the more connected we become electronically, the more disconnected we feel personally.
Our virtual connections are directly responsible for our general malaise and the rise in mental illness, especially among those who have grown up using smartphones since age 13 or so.
THE AVERAGE FAMILY GATHERING, THEN AND NOW
Before the Age of Radio, families gathered to play musical instruments, sing, play games, tell tales and commune with each other. Many families worked (and played, and fought and found common ground) on farms and ranches. My mother remembered that almost every member of her immediate family played a musical instrument, or sang, or told stories. They lived communally, fully experiencing each other’s joys and sorrows.
During the Radio Age, families listened to the same programs, so they were usually on the same page, discussing the pros and cons of each program they heard, whether it was FDR’s Fireside Chat, declarations of war, carefully curated and vetted news programs, or entertainment features.
During the Early Age of Television, there were only three stations, and they only ran 12 hours a day, signing off every evening with their logos. Most families only had one television set, so everyone watched the same programs and discussed the shows afterward, falling for the same heroes, dissing the same heels. Father Knows Best, Bonanza, children’s shows… whatever the fare, everyone was pretty much on the same page. We had commonly held entertainment experiences. We bonded over our favorites.
It was probably during these years that the disconnect began to take place, because parents discovered that their kids could be contained and tamed by plopping them down in front of their favorite shows, giving parents a much-needed break from parenting. But back then, kids were still playing outdoors and socializing with their classmates and neighbors, all while learning about life, love, disappointment, heartbreak, obstacles and ways around or through them whenever we weren’t in front of the TV.
Since the advent of smartphones less than a generation ago — phones with the ability to make calls, quickly tap out texts and access the Internet and social media — world news in various guises (meticulously spun to command the attention and activism of people who hew to their particular political, moral, and/or religious sensibilities) — visiting a home reveals a completely different social dynamic. People still gather, often in the same room, but each is focused on their personal device and on their personal agendas and mindsets. Rarely are they on the same page in the same space: one is reading nonfiction, another fiction, another is playing a video game, another is on social media, another is encouraging resistance to the incursion of autocratic fascism, while another is resisting the call that all citizens are entitled to the same rights as they have: the right to marry who they love, worship (or not) the way they choose, vote without having to jump through exclusionary hoops. control their own bodies, etc.
Kids are rarely outdoors playing, exploring, socializing, and learning the ropes about how to navigate life. They’re indoors on their smartphones, vicariously experiencing other people’s lives, all too often taunting or dissing other kids for their predilections, looks, or diversity.
It’s no wonder we feel disconnected! Too few people are talking to anyone else except the virtual folks in their chosen silos. We’re all preaching to our choir and lambasting the people who disagree with our perspectives.
PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS DISAGREED
People have always disagreed. That’s nothing new. Progress happens when people disagree, resist, and organize to create a more perfect union. But it’s the ways in which we’re disagreeing that is threatening our democracy and the ultimate survival of every species on earth. We need to dial it down, to meet face-to-face and DISCUSS our perspectives, not sit in silos taking potshots at each other.
MY LINE IN THE SAND
When friends visit me, they stow their smartphones (unless they’re doctors or other life-preservers who absolutely must view every call that comes in) until they leave. My (usually unspoken) rule is, “Stow Your Phone. If you want to visit with me, visit with me. If not, go home. No harm, no foul, but I don’t have enough time left in my life to abide double-mindedness. ”
I have always hated call waiting, and never put it on my phone. Anyone with an urgent message will call back or they can have an operator break in and inform me of an urgent call. The person I’m on the phone with is my priority; they have center stage until we hang up.
I don’t remain in rooms where people’s noses are in their devices.
They’re obviously more interested in what they’re doing, and I can live with that. My ego is not damaged by it. My sensibilities are. It is RUDE to ignore someone who has entered your domain. It is RUDE to let them know you don’t consider their presence or interruption of sufficient merit to drag yourself out of a video game or social media.
Rudeness offends me. It always will.
