Roots are crucial to existence.

 

 

Roots reach down and out (and sometimes up) in search of the nutrients and liquids they need to keep their fruit alive, whether the fruit is a tree, a bush, a flower, or a vegetable.

 

 

But sometimes roots find themselves pressed up against a barrier that won’t yield to their strength, and their need to extend is thwarted.

 

When this happens in a flower pot, we call it “root-bound.”  Unless we do something about the problem, the plant will begin to suffer and will eventually die.

 

So, to remedy the situation, we get a slightly larger pot, carefully break the bound roots where they have begun to entwine and strangle each other, and re-pot the plant in fresh soil so there is room to grow again.

 

The Same Thing Can Happen to Our  Personal Growth, Relationships and/or Businesses

 

When life circumstances, relationships, or your business starts “pinching” you (without ceasing), that’s a clear indication that something unhealthy is happening “underground” — either at its roots or inside your being or premises.

 

A short-term challenge doesn’t indicate root-boundedness.

It’s when the same challenge becomes chronic and ultimately unsustainable that we need to start looking at the roots of the matter.

I think most of us can recognize when we’re becoming root-bound. We just have different ways of dealing with it.

 

Some withdraw into stony silence, fearing what can happen if they voice their concern to the person who has gradually segued from being a plus to being a minus.

 

Others are passive-aggressive, going from “Look, everything is really okay, okay?!” to “This really sucks and you’d better figure out what’s eating me because I’m certainly not going to tell you!”

 

Still others just disappear one day without explanation. Not wanting to cause a scene or mutual discomfort, they just split, leaving you wondering what happened.

 

There are other responses to root-boundedness, some of them violent, but you get the picture.  The bottom line is that most of us can pick up on the cues that others are leaving and unless and until we respond to them, they will only get worse. They simply can’t get better until they’re examined and addressed.

Root-bound people start by asking themselves three basic questions:

What Isn’t Working Now?

 

Why Isn’t It Working?

 

Is It Salvageable and Worth the Effort That It Will Take to Save It?

 

They may have tentative theories about what and why, but until they ask, they can’t be verified by the other person or people in the equation.

 

CANDID CONVERSATION IS KEY

 

Being open and honest while feeling root-bound doesn’t have to feel confrontational or even be scary. But sometimes the answers we fear are the answers we’ll get, and that can be mighty scary!

 

“Are you having an affair?”  (“Oh please, oh please, tell me you aren’t because if you are I have to deal with that one way or another, and either way will tear me apart.”)

 

“I need some more space.” (“Please don’t shrug this off again. I need more space and if I cant have it, I will need to make other arrangements.”)

 

“Do we still share the same passion and/or direction for our business?” (“And if not, what’s the best way to handle the matter?”)

 

The truth can pinch almost as much as bound roots, but never just as much because the truth frees us to so we can make other, more reality-based plans for our lives, unlike root-boundedness, which slowly saps our energies and leaves us wilting and fading.

 

My point here is that feeling chronically root-bound to something that no longer feeds you or someone else is a recipe for disaster. It’s best to investigate as soon as possible and see what the options are for enlarging your pot to sustain your growth or finding another garden to get into.

 

Tackled early and as often as necessary, there is rarely a need to relocate or align yourself with someone else.

 

Just be honest, compassionate and inquisitive. Don’t let your ego try to justify or vilify.  Listen and find out what it will take to make things hunky-dory again, if it can be redeemed.  And if it can’t, don’t forget that you owe the other person a hopeful, compassionate, peaceful parting.  They aren’t your enemy. They were once your ally and benefactor and they can be so again, perhaps just from another angle.

 

All is not lost.