Headline Hospital photo courtesy of J. Herman, Nurse at St Clare Hospital, May 25th 2022
My friend Ben Taylor is on the verge of losing his years’-long battle with cancer.
It’s frightening how fast he has declined recently. Not more than a month ago, we were visiting the Lady Washington dockside and eating at our favorite restaurants (Rock the Dock, Elmer’s and Homestead) every ten days or so.
On February 23rd this year, Lisa and I moved him from Olympia to Tacoma so we’d be able to have a greater number of good times with him and so he’d be nearby as he started to need closer looking in on and some hands on help with activities of daily living (including shopping and travel to doctors’ appointments).
Ben Taylor, with the Lady Washington in Tacoma, April 12, 2022
April 2021 at South Prairie, WA in the park
Two weeks ago Lisa took him to the ER because he took a turn for the worse. He was weaker and slumped over more than usual and having a hard time breathing. Turns out he had pneumonia. But then they discovered that his cancers (plural) have invaded his bones and he’s unlikely to be able to live on his own again. The hospital is arranging a care community of some kind (a senior care facility or hospice if he fits that criteria — and it appears he does; his ETD is estimated to be considerably before six months would elapse) but in the meantime he feels “imprisoned” in an A-rated hospital (the hospital I go to whenever I’m ill).
Lisa and I are taking turns visiting with him for from one to three hours every day (the hospital will only allow one visitor per day because of COVID), and those times seem to cheer him up and relax him some. I usually spend two and a half to three hours with him on “my” days (Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday, Lisa’s longest work days each week) and it’s lovely to see his face light up when I walk into the room. (DeForest Kelley’s face used to light up when I went to see and help, him, too, so whatever I’m doing to bring some brightness into beleaguered lives is still working. I’m extremely grateful for that.)
Mostly Ben likes to reminisce about his life and times, so I listen (intently!) and ask follow up questions, so he knows I’m fully invested in the exchange. I also hold his hand just about the entire time, except when he’s eating or being moved to a chair or having his bedding swapped out.
Oh! About the headline image! I suppose I ought to explain what that was all about.
As it turns out, at least one of Ben’s nurses, an immensely kind fellow named Herman, is a huge Star Trek/DeForest Kelley fan. (De has countless fans in the health care industry!) When Ben introduced me to Herman, he told him I was a friend of De’s and his caregiver and personal assistant at the end of his life, and he lit up and appeared mighty impressed. So, since he was a De fan and has been so good to Ben during his stay, I told him I had written a book about my friendship with De and asked if he would like a copy. He immediately said yes, so I signed and brought my last copy of UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL to him the next day when I came to visit Ben again.
(An aside: I have since ordered ten more copies at author cost because I didn’t realize I was out of them until I went looking for one that I wasn’t actively using during my EVER NEW podcasts: Herman got that one, as a result. One of the ten went to my grand nephew Abdullah this weekend, along with a copy of Serval Son (he LOVES cats!!! He had Patches in his arms every time he was indoors and she was amenable to being held, which was a LOT with him!!! Abdullah treated her perfectly!) and Floating Around Hollywood. (He read The Oreo Cookie Affair chapter while he was here and enjoyed it immensely.)
Herman was so taken with the gift (which I personalized to him) that he said, “I want a picture with you and Ben to prove to other people I’m not lying when I tell them I met you!”
(Oh, myyyyyy! I accept this comment/compliment painfully, but with a smile as I say, “Sure!”)
So, Herman asked another nurse to take a couple of pictures of Ben, him and me, with him holding his copy of the book. (Both images appear to be identical so I won’t post the other one, and I have permission from Ben and Herman to share this on my blog and FB, so all is well there.) That picture was taken last Sunday (May 25th).
Alas, Ben has declined noticeably since that picture was taken, physically and mentally. He’s skin and bones and not eating much. The hospital is in comfort care mode and is looking for a place to get him into that’s more comfortable and attentive. (Like all hospitals, St. Clare is understaffed and the nurses are working their butts off and have been for 2.5 years due to COVID, but they’re still AMAZING and WONDERFUL!!!)
I started a GOFUNDME campaign to get him dentures about a month ago which brought in about $250, but it looks like he won’t be needing them. I have notified the people who donated and all (so far) have said to just keep the money and put it toward his memorial service, burial or cremation. Wonderful folks. (I gave him the money already, so Lisa can use that for final expenses as they come around.)
All in all, a sad time for those of us who know and love Ben. He has been so helpful and wonderful to me so many times. I’m glad I’ve been able to pay him back in some small way for his many kindnesses to me. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and cure what ails him. DAMN AND DAMN AND DAMN CANCER!!! It has taken far too many loved ones, including multiple people in my family.
