Last night (or this morning) I had a drama/trauma dream.  It’s work-related but took place during my college days.

 

Let me preface this by saying that I have never — not even once — in my lifetime ever missed a deadline as a student or as a professional writer. I am so procrastination-averse and so driven the moment I get a writing assignment (remember, I LOVE to write!) that I usually have it done the same day I get it, or the next day, or a few days hence, if research is required before I put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard.

 

But my drama/trauma dreams all revolve around my not getting something done ahead of time that needed to be done in advance of a certain date or time — that is, about deadlines.

 

More than once I’ve had dreams about being expected to take the stage in a live play but having no memory of ever having rehearsed at all.  I’m supposed to go onstage and know my lines even though I have never even read the script. I feel compelled to go on because the rest of the cast is counting on me (as is the audience), but I’m decidedly unhappy about it. I wonder if I can fake my way through, knowing fully well there is absolutely no way to intuit what to say in response to a line thrown at me by another player, and God forbid I should be the actor responsible for initiating a course of action with my lines! It just seems IMPOSSIBLE that I will be able to do what I need to do to pull it off.

 

Last night’s dream was precipitated by the fact that my new client wants me to write a five-piece webinar, each piece lasting an hour (or 24 pages of copy). They said there is absolutely no rush, no deadline, nothing — sometime next spring would be fine, although sooner might be better — and that they will provide source materials in the coming days.  And again… no rush. Take my time and have fun with it.

 

So, my fevered brain has a deadline of spring (or sooner!) and it’s acting like a long-favored racehorse that has been placed behind its starting gate. It wants to RUN THE RACE NOW!  (Maybe this is a lesson I’m supposed to learn in this life: don’t consider every request something to get off my plate as soon as it lands on it.)

 

So, last night, I had a dream that I had an essay-type test that ran well over a hundred pages. I was already more than halfway through it lickety-split because I never procrastinate, but then, sometime in weeks past, I had set it down somewhere in a park and wandered off, forgetting all about it until the deadline was literally under my nose, and other people were turning theirs in.

 

I raced back to the place where I’d left it, only to find it in a trash can next to where I had set it down.  I pulled it out. It had food and leaves and all sorts of detritus folded within its pages.  I knew I couldn’t submit anything that looked like that, let alone finish it in time, so I decided to just admit defeat (for the first time ever in my writing career) and let the teacher know I wasn’t able to produce it and would have to take a failing grade.

 

When asked why, I considered explaining the bizarre turn of events, but then decided, “No, I’m responsible for this. The circumstances don’t matter. I failed to follow through and this is the consequence.”  So I just said, “I just forgot about it and didn’t get it done. I  only got it half done.”

 

The teacher said, “Submit what you have. You’ve never missed a deadline before, and I’ll take that into account. I’m keenly interested in your answers to the questions  I posed.”

 

I said, “I can’t. It’s a total mess. It’s missing pages I completed, and I left it out in the weather, and it got trashed — literally! Someone threw it in the trash. It has dried food and leaves all through it.”

 

That’s where the dream ended. I felt terrible, and my heart was broken because I had disappointed both the instructor and myself. I had let us both down.

 

So, this morning I emailed the client and asked for the source materials as soon as it’s convenient on their end, so I can get started on this project and let my brain know I’M ON IT and I will NOT miss the deadline!   I also asked for another blog post topic so I can write shorter pieces (10-12 pages) in the meantime so I’m actually producing and submitting completed pieces along the way, so I have short and long-term writing goals.

 

And yeah, I do need to work on not being so anal when it comes to my writing (and other) responsibilities. None of them are absolute deal breakers if I miss making them happen on the very day I first know about them.

 

The up side is that I’ve never missed paying a bill, catching a plane, or getting somewhere on time. Most of my friends and family can set their watch by me, I’m so predictable and dependable. (Clients, too.)

 

So, there’s a good side and bad side to my obsessive “punctuality”.  I just want to temper the bad side enough that I’m not having nightmares when I can’t jump on something right away. That would be good for my blood pressure and my soul!  (I have a beautiful blood pressure baseline, so that really isn’t a concern!)