My Costa Rica helpers are giving me compliments for having my ducks in a row and developing a “care team” (support structure)  in advance.

 

One of them said I have acted so confident and self-assured all along the way and that she had no idea I’ve been stressing at all.

 

HAH!

 

What she has observed (from afar, at a remove) is “stressing in action” or “proactive stressing”!

 

I told her that my “confidence” was more steely-jawed “fake it ’til you make it” determination than it is confidence. That’s why I endeavored to develop a support system in advance!

 

Bravery on the Tongue

 

Recently, I saw a terrific short video blurb of a horse, a fox, a mole and a small boy.  Here’s the exchange:

 

Boy: What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said?

Horse: “Help.” Asking for help isn’t giving up. It’s refusing to give up.

– from the movie “The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse”

Boy, that hit me where I live!  Asking for help is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

 

I’m great at giving help, but because I’ve usually received heavy sighs or weighted/delayed “okays” nearly every time I’ve asked for it, it has always felt easier and less personally upsetting to just “do it myself.”

 

But asking for help is truly refusing to give up.  That’s it exactly.  I ask when I’m at the point of giving up.  (I should probably ask sooner than when I’m at the point of giving up, but have been conditioned not to.)

 

I’ve been proactive asking for help because this upcoming move is unprecedented

 

When I moved to Northern California to work with the Animal Protection Institute in the early 80’s and to Southern California in the late 80’s, I wasn’t heading out of the country and I had a place to go (work) and people to serve. I had  a trajectory!

 

Even then, when I moved to So Cal to work in the entertainment industry in the late 80’s, I had what I believed to be a very tentative support network.  I didn’t know the Kelley’s would freakin’ “adopt” me the way they did, and where I stayed was only supposed to be temporary…

 

I remember going to get my hair cut early on and sitting in a salon. Suddenly I had a full blown panic attack. I thought, “I am all alone down here!” The thought terrified me!

 

Luckily, I was able to dial it down and get my heart to stop racing by reminding myself that there was no tiger in the room and that I was perfectly safe in the moment.

 

But I don’t want to experience that again, ever!

 

So, I planned ahead for this move the way a military commander would plan for a skirmish. When Margaret Aliff, my immigration coach, found out I’m trans, she immediately recommended Villas Escondidas to me, which dialed down my stress level enormously. I could not believe my luck in finding a coach so in tune with my soul that she would know exactly where to point me within the microclimate I have chosen as my target location (average temperature between 68 degrees and 80 degrees year ’round).

 

From that one point of contact, it has all fallen into place. The people at Villas Escondidas knew of an escort (actually, Jon is also a dedicated immigration coach), and a realtor,  and an Uber driver who’s bilingual, and the list goes on and on…

 

See what a simple (or, in my case, difficult) request for “Help” can produce?

Miracles!  

Yes, I’d call this all a miracle, but what it actually is, is the kindness of strangers who “get” you and become friends in the process.

 

Helpers are the best.  It’s one of the reasons I love being a helper.

 

One of my favorite quotes of all time, by George Eliot, is this:

“What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?”

Eggs-ack-ly!

 

My heroes have always been helpers, whether they’ve been politicians, celebrities, or personal friends. 

 

So, here’s my heartfelt thank you to all helpers everywhere. You make life so much easier to navigate!