There has been a definite shift in the way I see and interact with the world as a direct result of the past several  days.

I’ll give some of the credit to having read The Fear and Anxiety Solution–again, a book I didn’t even know I needed and was reading to see if it might help a lot of the people I know who suffer horribly from recurring “tapes” that play in their heads and keep them stuck and helplessly treading water when they should be out there making waves.

But part of it, I’m convinced, has been the book launch and the feedback I’ve received from De’s fans in its aftermath. I’m reconnecting to optimism and goodness again.  I feel freer and safer than I have in a very long time.

The book isn’t getting the sales that Amazon’s ads led me to believe it might, but those hundreds of thousands of LIKES had me wondering anyway, “How can that be?” But then, we’re talking about #DeForestKelley, and there is zero doubt in my mind that he has hundreds of thousands–no, millions–of fans, so I was willing to accept 123,854 LIKES of the book cover. It seemed somehow both fantastic and logical!

But the number of LIKES on a book cover matters less to me than the outpouring of love and affection that have come my way in the aftermath of the launch.  I can feel and see why De loved his fans so much!  I have always known he had the most respectful fans and that meeting them has nearly always been a joyful experience, so I’m not surprised by the new ones I’m meeting, but I have been blessed by them in ways too numerous to mention.

It’s so great to know, in my twilight years, that something I’ve written and the things I did for De and Carolyn are as appreciated  as they are.   I wondered if anyone would be interested in a saga about a fan-turned-friend. As important as the friendship was to my eventual unfolding, I wasn’t sure it would resonate with anyone else.  But it has…and I’m delighted.  I think De would be, too, because he gave me permission to write it.  I just didn’t think I ever would–or could–until Terry asked me the question that I couldn’t answer without going back to my journals and phone logs and researching how it all happened. So you (and I) have De’s biographer, Terry Rioux, to thank for DeForest Kelley Up Close and Personal. If she hadn’t put that bothersome bee in my bonnet (“How did you go from being a fan on the outermost reaches of fandom to being at his bedside when he died?”), I would have sat on the story and kept it locked up in my Kelley archives until it crumbled to dust! I had to uncover the answer for myself!  It seemed cruel that the answer wasn’t as plain as the nose on my face! Retracing the journey to find the answer became critical to me.

And now you get to hold the result in your hands and heart and get a real sense of the kind of guy De really was up close and personal when he wasn’t onstage or assuming another persona as the very skilled actor/professional he was. How cool is that?

The recent shift has helped me feel more like the person I so wanted to grow up to be like: the REAL McCoy. I feel his love and his compassion for his fans.  You are good people.  I am blessed to know you and to be embraced by you.

You’re De Best!