I had the absolute best dream EVER about Deaken last night. I dreamed for what seemed like hours, and even during it said, “I am NOT leaving this dream!”

 

I love all animals, and every pet I have ever shared my life with has held a special place in my heart.

 

But Deaken —  I must confess — the love I had and continue to have for him overlays and undergirds every other love I have had for anything or anyone, EVER. It’s like, “Yeah, I know what love is, and how to convey it, but THIS is really what love feels like when it’s eternal!”

 

HUMAN DREAM VISITATIONS

 

I get sporadic visitations from human beings who have passed — Mom, Dad, De, Carolyn, and Alpha Rossetti most often and prominently. But I think I have never had a relationship with a human that supercedes the relationships I have had with animals, especially Deaken. This is probably because I learned very early on that animals are better at loving (me, at least) than humans are, and that I can love them wholeheartedly without wondering if someday, in some way, I will find that my love was misplaced, that they won’t betray me in some way.  I’m suspicious in that way about human love; have been since I was a child.

 

Yes, I agree: that is sad commentary and a sad state of affairs, but it’s what my life experiences have taught me: always keep my feet flat on the floor and pointed toward the door, because this relationship can end at any time, and I’ll have only myself to rely on again. In fact, it’s what makes me so lackadaisically consider pulling up stakes and moving to Costa Rica.  I do not, and cannot, rely on other human beings, and so I don’t. I’m always expecting something to go south, so I’m prepared to walk away.

 

But, back to my dream about Deaken.

 

ALL ABOARD!

 

In the dream, I was at an airport waiting to connect with (of all people) Terry Rioux, whom I haven’t seen in 30 years. When I saw her and the other gal we were going to be traveling with, they had Deaken with them!  I ran to him immediately; he arched his back, purred and head rubbed me. I picked him up and held him tightly against my chest.

 

I immediately thought,”Oh, no! I have no paperwork for him; they won’t let him onto the plane.”  And then I thought, “Hell, they’ll never separate us again.  If Deaken can’t get on the plane with me, and sit on me in my seat during the entire flight, I’m not going!”

 

I went to the ticket checker carrying a full-grown serval to show her my passport and boarding ticket. Whether she was gob smacked by the enormous (to her) cat in my arms, or intimidated by the determination in my eyes, I don’t know, but she waved us through as if she was entirely accustomed to allowing “uncrated” wild cats on every flight.

 

I took Deaken to my seat (I must have dreamed us into first class!) and we continued to snuggle and groom each other in our species-specific ways.  I was running my hands through his fur, refamiliarizing myself with the contours of his body, feeling his heart beat, and he was purring, head rubbing and licking my face.

 

It was a re-union of two beings who had never really ever been apart, except by distance and time. Our essences had remained connected, and here we were again, enjoying each other’s ministrations.

 

After leaving the plane, the dream continued. And Deaken and I did absolutely nothing during it other than hang out with each other. I confirmed to Deaken, “This is what heaven will be like, if there’s a heaven for me.”

 

ALMOST TWO DECADES OF  LOVE

 

You can’t dedicate yourself to raising a live being of any species, I don’t think, from the age of five days to seventeen and a quarter years without somehow finding your heart transferred to them in ways that you can never extricate. That’s what love is!

 

But I have never had that experience with a human being. I’ve come close at times, as an aunt, but the result has been more anemic — partly my doing, because I’m wary of and particular about my human relationships; they have to feel safe and comfortable and like we can talk about any topic with equal respect, frankness  and forebearance. I don’t have a niece or nephew like that. I have exactly three human friends right now who are like that, and I feel the difference viscerally. The two types of relationships are worlds apart.

 

I also think I’m on the autistm spectrum (although I’ve never been screened for it and diagnosed officially), which means I can be forthright in ways that turn many neurotypical people off.  I tell the truth (as I see it) 99.9% of the time, even when the truth isn’t comfortable (politically, spiritually, or in any other way); most people don’t.  So once they find out what I believe, if they don’t believe similarly, they don’t bring it up, and I’m glad, because I dislike dischord.  I’m all for steering clear of topics that divide when in I’m in the presence of others.  (But here  in my blogs, hear me roar!) What’s the point?  They reached their conclusions (without IMO sufficient open-mindedness and objective research in most cases, while my nose is always in book and other informational nonfiction pieces, so I’ve arrived at most of my opinions and beliefs following diligent research and forethought) and I don’t expect them to suddenly get curious about how much of what they believe  is malarkey and how much of it can be proven incontrovertably true.

 

ANIMALS — THE PERFECT COMPANIONS FOR ME

 

So, for me, animals are the perfect companions.  They couldn’t care less whether you’re rich, poor, short, tall, wheelchair-bound, Democrat, Republican, spiritual, atheist, black, brown or white.  They simply read your spirit and then they approach, or they stay away and reproach or retreat if you try to come closer.

 

Animals have our number!

 

And Deaken definitely has mine, to this day.

 

For those of you not already infinitely familiar with “our” story, I’ve written a book called SERVAL SON: Spots and Stripes Forever. And following are some of my favorite images.  (P.S. if you think it was easy to come up with which ones to post, out of literally thousands to choose from, you have another think coming to get it right! HAH!)

 

One-week-old Deaken (before his ears stood up and his fur turned from grey to multicolored)

 

Deaken at about six weeks old

 

 

 

 

I still haven’t left the dream. I’m keeping it with me. I want it to be the last thing I focus on as I’m dying, because Deaken is who I want to come get me when I go.